Creepy Science for the Day

How do people not know that there are bugs all over your body constantly, these days? I learned about these critters back when I was in elementary school. Especially the little bugs that live on your eyelashes.

I knuckle pound these homies everyday, and by knuckle pound I mean I rub my eyes a lot. It’s a wonder they haven’t eaten my eyeballs and left cavernous dark wholes. I rub my eyes like it’s an Olympic event.

Maybe they drown?

When Cute Dogs do Bad Things

Hi Friday, I’m so glad you’re here (if you hadn’t noticed, I’ve given up on the haikus).  Now, I’m not the one to go about posting cute things (example: post below), but these guilty looking dog videos collected by Urlesque were beyond passing up. I had a dog named Molly and she used to tear through garbage cans, hide whole chicken carcasses in baskets, and other such unsightly things around the house, and guilty looks were a commonplace with her. While watching these videos it always seems like the dog was probably having a ball when they were tearing things up, but once they were done, they remembered, “Oh shit, I have NO way to clean this up.”  They hide, give big teary eyes or try distracting you by requesting a belly rub. And most of the time, we give in. I always did.

They have about nine dogs, but LeeLoo was the best:

Guilty Dogs via [Urlesque]

Animals I Hate : Entry #1 Coconut Crab

 

Dude. That trash can? It's yours.

One day I ran across pictures of really creepy lobster/rolly polly like things attacking a bag of Fritos. I shared it with my boss Nicole and suddenly began to describe my ultimate hate of deep sea animals, a hate I didn’t realize I had until that day. She suggested I start a blog about animals I hate and I thought it was a good idea, but I wasn’t sure. Maybe someone else had one already? Nope. No one. Still didn’t make one, but after seeing this awful creature, I can assuredly say…I hate it with every fiber of my being and I will begin posting animals I hate on my blog.

I provide no facts or insights about this animal (innocently called the coconut crab), but I know it scares the ever loving shit out of me. If you’re brave enough to read up about it you can go here.

Excuse me? Can I borrow some toilet paper?

Imagine this scenario. You’re in Guam and you’re on the beach and you have to go to the bathroom. And since most bathrooms I’ve seen in parks and beaches have no doors, there’s nothing to keep things from getting in. So you’re sitting in your stall and the next thing you know on of these creatures comes crawling right under. Can you imagine it going for your ankle?!? This thing breaks coconuts as a lifestyle. It’s the very thing nightmares are made of. And pets. Yes, people have these things as pets.

Would you like to take a nap under the shade?

Or say you’d like to take nice nap under the cool shade of a coconut tree…the wrong coconut tree. Bam! Next thing you know you have a crab attached to your face. (Or for some of them, the entire upper half of your body.) I hope they never develop a taste for human flesh, or we’re screwed.

I wouldn’t even want to eat one of those things (even if I could, allergies and all). All I can imagine is a reanimated claw wrapping itself around my throat. I’ll irrational fear I read at the Best Week Ever blog: “Sure, they taste delicious…but they also seriously look like gigantic cockroaches with huge murder hands. — Michelle Collins, On Lobsters”

I’d say these things look like giant spiders with armor and huge murder hands.

And for the sake of your sanity DON’T look up Japanese spider crabs.

Seriously.